Breeding Suspicion: Part 2

The story continues on breeding suspicion. Last week, I looked at the effect of lies in a relationship in regards to breeding suspicion. I will look at two other attitudes that breed suspicion, and I do hope you open your heart as you read.


Lack Of Commitment
There are so many books and write-ups on commitment whether to a relationship, communal development or personal growth as such I am not going to analyse it, since that is not where the focus is. However,  those who lack commitment are very unstable. They are to me like the Reubenites; unstable as water, very Normadic and are one of the best breeders of suspicion. In one of his post, Deolu Akinyemi (one of Nigeria's foremost and admired bloggers) analysed a formula for success, he called that formula 'show up'. Show up in a relationship emphasises commitment to that relationship. People who don't 'show up' or lack commitment express this act in different ways; coming late to dates or meetings, dodging phone calls or certain questions, evasiveness, nonchalant attitude, less communication, e.t.c. The list goes on. I have this friend that told me that his girlfrend never gets to answer some of his supposedly simple questions. According to him, anytime she is gloomy and he tries to ask her what the matter is, she will most often reply she cannot answer that question without any detailed explanation. He expressed how deeply hurt she does make him feel with such act, as she does it every now and then even after he had tried to explain how she makes him feel. This kind of attitude is an example of someone who is selfish and not empathetic. Attitudes like this make the heart worry and cause the partner to take solace in thoughts that evoke suspicion.  It is only an uncommitted individual that doesn't see the hurt or pain they steer. If you find yourself doing such, check the values you place on the other person, it is definitely not the same he placed on you and if he doesn't know that, you are breeding suspicion. Again, check the values you and your partner place on each other and talk about it seriously, it may be that the other person does not see it or love you the way you are imagining it.
Lack of commitment pictures intransparency. It is really a vast area that I cannot exhaust within two days of writing.


Unnecessary Caution
It comes most times from past experience. It is multifaceted in that people act differently when they show signs of caution in a relationship. Past hurts in their relationship puts the new person in a state of torture and suspicion. They tend not to be open enough. This act is furnished by selfishness and defensiveness, for example the phraseI have been hurt before and so I cannot trust anyone else'. In the long run, those who have such trait tend to want to steer a relationship in their favor. The underlying thing in this act is FEAR. Some scholars call it the AH HA syndrome. Simply put, it means a tendency to ‘keep an eye’ on someone, and at the first sign of something ‘familiar’ (from past experience), exclaim; " AH HA! I KNEW IT WOULD COME OUT SOONER OR LATER! WELL I’M NOT GOING THROUGH THAT AGAIN!"




There are so many things to think about when the idea of suspicion comes up, the list is just too numerous. While so many people are just too insecure and as such suspects every move of the other person, many other people create it in the minds of the other person. It is the second category of people I am actually talking about. Sometimes I wonder what gain the other person will have by breeding suspicion. You may say, I want to find out if he loves me very well by making him jealous. If you could not pick your spouse's call at a particular point after two missed calls, please don't allow him to be the first to call you the next day. If you cannot tell your friend or spouse certain things about yourself, please let him know his place in your life. If you cannot answer simple questions like, 'what is borthering you?' Please tell him his role in your life. There is no need to make certain pleasant comments of your past boyfriend or girlfriend in your present relationship. There is no need to stir the waters carelessly as you might be arousing a viscious shark. Be sensitive to your partners interest and try to succeed in the relationship by doing whatever it takes to succeed. Always try and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Test your own feeling on the same acts and build a good relationship.


Above all, let there be sincere and open communication. It will diminish the idea of suspicion. There won't be any need to scan through your phones for incriminating numbers or sms. There won't be any need to wear long faces with each other. There won't be any need to pretend. Nobody will feel hurt and the relationship will be blissful.
As you read this, scan through your own mind and see areas you might have bred suspicion in your relationship. If you have, I advice you to make effort to correct it immediately. Humble yourself and voice out your mind with love.


So much to say, I am sure you can elaborate on the ideas so far and build a solid relationship. Looking forward to hearing how this has helped you. Stay strong!


The Future is Brighter.

Breeding Suspicion Part 1

Husband comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to his Bedroom. From under the blanket he sees four legs instead of two. He reaches for a Baseball Bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as he can. Once he's done, he goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As he enters, he sees his wife there, reading a magazine. "Hi Darling", she says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you have said Hello...



Many things come to mind when I think of this issue. There are just too much to talk about. I wish I was still a young boy, then I would not have made some of the mistakes I made with this issue. 


Have you had cause to do any of these? You searched your man's shirt or trouser pockets with the hope of seeing something incriminating or you scroll through your spouse phonebook or sms directory for strange numbers or sms. If yes, then you are a victim of suspicion. 
Many relationships die at a shorter age because of suspicion. As a matter of fact, I have seen many relationships crumble,  have watched with awe, how much less of understanding many matured individuals underestimates the dynamics of suspicion. 


My father once asked me, he said son! how many times will something happen to you before you actually learn? I remembered saying, I prefer to learn from the mistakes of others...but did I? 
I certainly did not because I was also entrapped by the failures of my heart to understand the dynamics of suspicion. 
While suspicion has so may parts to it, I am basically concerned about the workings of suspicion to relationship and what I think breeds it (suspicion). 


Suspicion according to my dictionary is a feeling of doubt or mistrust. According to my fathers, there is no smoke without fire. Yes something stirs up suspicion. If you notice that your spouse does not talk with you openly anymore, or feels sad in your presence or behaves unusual towards you...Check very well, suspicion is very close by. Also check yourself thoroughly, you are most likely to be breeding suspicion. Suspicion in a relationship is a very strong issue and should not be grown. In itself it is not a bad thing to suspect, in my opinion. It is the breeding of suspicion that I find very alarming and uncondoning. Breeding suspicion borrowing from poetic license is that act that causes the other person to be suspicious. Anyone portraying such acts, to me, is a breeder of suspicion. 


It takes two to tangle so they said, if in a relationship, one does certain things that are unclear to the other person, it will evoke suspicion in the other person. 


Some of these habits or behaviors are potential attitudes that breed suspicion: 


LIES; 
In my quest to understand this latent killer of beateous relationships, I discorvered that, there are so many ways people lie in a relationship. Most people scarcely put forth blatant lies, they furnish their lies with various colours. Some of the ways people lie in a relationship are: lack of transparency, conflicting stories, insincere indulgences etc. 
Lack of transparency is one aspect that may not be very familiar and most people may not know that such acts is a relationship killer as it breeds suspicion strongly. Anything you dont want to talk about in a relationship may be as a result of lack of transparency. it is the value one place on the other that determines the level of transparency to that person. This brings me to something that is related. 
Watch out for part 2.

Programming Your Thoughts For Difference

I have learnt by experience that 'He who shy being different cannot make the difference.' I have always believed that everyone has something tangible to offer irrespective of who they are and what failures they have experienced. I shall be discussing this line of thought as it applies to our everyday life weekly. In the mean time, hear what Max Lucado has to say about making the difference.

Today I Will Make A Difference

Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference.

I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.

I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on. Victoriously. No failure is fatal. It's OK to stumble...I will get up. It's OK to fail...I will rise again. Today I will make a difference.

I will spend time with those I love. My spouse, my children, my family. A man can own the world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships. Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. Five quality minutes of talking or hugging or thanking or listening. Five undiluted minutes with my mate, children, and friends.

I am possitively convinced, that if one applies his heart to this thoughts and function with some level of discipline, greatness in our everyday life is an inch away.

Beyond Positive Thinking

When I finish this note I will give it a title. Each morning when I rush to the bathroom to shower, I will always mutter these words as I stare at the bathroom-mirror naked...I AM THE BEST. Do they have any effect on me? Do I feel good when I say them or am I just joking or playing with words? The answers to these questions I hope you will find as you read on.

In his Rich Dad series, Robert Kiyosaki frequently uses the example of the Poor Dad saying "I can't afford this" and the Rich Dad asking himself, instead, "How can I afford this?"
That's a completely different and empowering statement.
"I can't..." or "I won't..." closes you down to solutions. "How can I...?" or "How will I...?" causes your brain to search for the answer to the problem..Quoting from Yanik Silver.

Believe it or not, words are not words. If you make a mistake and tell yourself "I'm an idiot," you're joking, of course. So it doesn't really matter. Or does it?
In fact, the more you say the same things over and over to yourself the more you internalize them.

One word I've worked hard to get rid of in my own life is "try." I bet you can catch yourself saying it to a friend. ("I'll try to make it tonight.") Or to a relationship partner. ("I'll try to get that over to you today.") Friend!! It is either you will or you will not. When you see situations in a positive light, some people may say you are comforting yourself with afirmative statements. I want to help you see beyond positive affirmative statements. I have started working on them myself and sincerely it is glorious.

In His book ' The secret code of success... Noah St John have this to say.

One morning in April 1997, I was taking a shower and thinking about how the human mind is always in the process of asking and seeking the answers to questions. For example, if I were to ask you "Why is the sky blue?", your mind would start searching for the answer.

So I asked myself a logical question: "If the human mind is always asking and searching for the answers to questions, why are we told to repeat positive statements we don't believe? Instead, why don't we ask ourselves empowering questions - questions that will force us to change our thought patterns from negative to positive in order to answer them?"

Take a statement like "I am rich" - to which the brain replies "Yeah, right!" What's the empowering question you should be asking instead?

That question might look something like this: "Why am I so rich?"

Try it. Ask yourself "Why am I so rich?"

Do you know what your brain is doing right now? Searching for a positive answer to that question!

The staggering realization I made that morning in April 1997 was that you create your reality in two ways: by the statements you say to yourself and others, and by the questions you ask yourself and others. Until then, no one had fully realized, or shown how to harness, the awesome power of what happens when you change your questions.

I named my discovery The Afformations Method.

The 4 Steps to Creating Afformations That Change Your Life
Step 1: Ask yourself what you want.
You can use a goal you've previously written down, or start from scratch. You decide.

Please note that traditional success teachers stop right here. They tell you to "set your goals" and then say "affirmations" in an attempt to convince your brain that you will have what you want... sometime, somehow, somewhere.

Let's use Brandon from Utah as an example. He wanted to make more money doing something he loved. He was an insurance salesman who'd spent $30,000 on every "how to succeed" program out there, with no results. So for his goal, he wrote: "I want to be all I can be in life."

Now, the breakthrough step...

Step 2: Form a QUESTION which assumes that what you want is already true.

Forming a question which assumes that what you want is already true is the key to creating Afformations that change your life.

Your life is a reflection of the subconscious assumptions you make. That's why Step 2 of The Afformations Method is to change your communication with the world inside yourself. Afformations are the fastest, most effective way I've ever seen to immediately change your communication with the world inside of you AND the world outside of you.

So Brandon began afforming: "Why am I allowed to be, do, and have all that I want in life?"

Step 3: Give yourself to the question.

The point of Afformations is not to find "the answer" but to ask better questions. When you ask better questions, your mind automatically begins to focus on what you have as opposed to what you don't have.

Once Brandon began to afform what he wanted, his mind automatically began to search for the answer. He started doing things a little differently and talking to people with new confidence.

Which brings us to Step 4 of The Afformations Method - the one you MUST do to get optimum results...

Step 4: Take new ACTIONS based on your new assumptions about life.

Even though Brandon had spent thousands of dollars on every "how to succeed" program out there, he subconsciously assumed they wouldn't work for him. So they didn't.

After reading my book, he realized that this was what was keeping him from what he wanted. So he began to take new action on the very programs that had not worked for him.

He began calling more people. He followed up with more confidence. By focusing on what he had instead of what he lacked, positive results naturally followed.

Once Brandon followed the four steps of The Afformations Method, his sales tripled in 30 days. In less than nine months, his income increased 560 percent and he was named Agent of the Year.

The point of Afformations is not to find "the answer," but to change your questions. When you follow The Afformations Method, you will form empowering questions that immediately change your subconscious assumptions.

For example, Andrea had been trying to get pregnant for more than a year but had a huge mental block. She thought she didn't deserve it, her body couldn't do it, and so on. After her psychologist told her about Afformations, Andrea began asking herself "Why do I conceive so easily?" and "Why am I so fertile?" Within a month, she had a positive pregnancy test. Now she's asking herself, "Why do I carry my babies full term?", "Why am I free from morning sickness?", and all kinds of questions that are making her feel great during her pregnancy.

Omar, a car salesman, was selling one or two cars a month and making less than $600 in commissions. Then he started afforming "Why am I so successful at selling cars?" - and in just two days, he sold four new cars, three used ones, and made more than $1,800.

Judy, a 55-year-old grandmother from Texas, wanted to lose weight but told herself she was too old. In November 2008, she joined my Platinum Weight Loss Club. I recommended that she start asking Afformations like "Why do I lose weight so easily?" and "Why do I love eating healthy foods?" During the holidays, while most of America was gaining weight, Judy lost 24 pounds. And by February 2009, she was down over 30 pounds and feeling fantastic.

Can you see how this process must, by definition, change your life? Using Afformations, you can take conscious control of your subconscious thoughts - change the questions, change your results, and change your life!